Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the narcissist makes the victim doubt their own perceptions, memories, or sanity. This tactic is used to confuse and control the victim, making them more dependent on the narcissist.
The narcissist may deny events that the victim remembers clearly, accuse the victim of being overly sensitive or paranoid, or insist that the victim is misinterpreting situations. Over time, this can erode the victim’s confidence in their own judgment.
Triangulation involves bringing a third party into a conflict or relationship to create tension, confusion, or competition. The narcissist uses this tactic to maintain control and to manipulate the dynamics between people.
The narcissist might tell Person A that Person B has been talking negatively about them, even if it’s not true, to create conflict and division. This keeps both people off-balance and competing for the narcissist’s approval.
Love bombing is an overwhelming display of affection, attention, and admiration, often used in the early stages of a relationship to win over the other person. It creates a sense of intense connection and dependency.
The narcissist may shower the person with compliments, gifts, and declarations of love, making the person feel special and cherished. Once the person is hooked, the narcissist may withdraw this affection to manipulate or control them.
After initially idealizing someone, the narcissist may abruptly shift to devaluation, where they criticize, belittle, or demean the person. This tactic is used to maintain power and control in the relationship.
The narcissist may suddenly start pointing out the other person’s flaws, mocking their insecurities, or dismissing their achievements. This creates confusion and keeps the person off-balance, making them more likely to seek the narcissist’s approval.
Projection involves attributing one’s own negative traits, feelings, or behaviors to someone else. Narcissists use this tactic to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and to deflect criticism.
If the narcissist is being dishonest, they might accuse someone else of lying. If they are feeling insecure, they might accuse someone else of being jealous or overly sensitive.
The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive form of punishment where the narcissist ignores or refuses to communicate with someone. This tactic is used to assert dominance and make the other person feel insignificant or anxious.
The narcissist may suddenly stop talking to the person, ignore their messages, or act as if they don’t exist. This leaves the person feeling confused and desperate to regain the narcissist’s attention.
Blame shifting involves deflecting responsibility for one’s own mistakes or wrongdoings onto someone else. Narcissists use this tactic to avoid accountability and to maintain their self-image as faultless.
If the narcissist makes a mistake at work, they might blame a colleague for not providing enough support or information, even if the colleague had nothing to do with it.
Hoovering is a tactic used to suck someone back into a relationship or situation after they have tried to distance themselves. The narcissist may use charm, promises of change, or emotional manipulation to pull the person back in.
After a period of silence or after the person tries to leave the relationship, the narcissist might suddenly reach out with apologies, promises to change, or expressions of love to draw the person back into their orbit.
Narcissists often portray themselves as victims in order to gain sympathy, manipulate others, or avoid taking responsibility for their actions. This tactic can make others feel guilty or obligated to support them.
If confronted about their behavior, the narcissist might say, “I can’t believe you would accuse me of that after everything I’ve been through,” shifting the focus away from their actions and onto their supposed suffering.
A smear campaign involves spreading false information, rumors, or negative gossip about someone to damage their reputation and isolate them from others. This tactic is used to maintain control and discredit the person.
If the narcissist feels threatened or rejected, they might start telling others that the person is unstable, dishonest, or untrustworthy, turning others against them.
Narcissists may use intimidation, threats, or aggressive behavior to control others and enforce their will. This can be overt, like shouting or physical aggression, or more subtle, like making veiled threats or using body language to instill fear.
The narcissist might raise their voice, invade the other person’s personal space, or make threatening statements like, “You’ll regret it if you don’t do what I say.”
Narcissists often disregard or disrespect other people’s boundaries, seeing them as obstacles to getting what they want. This can include physical, emotional, or psychological boundaries.
The narcissist might ignore someone’s request for space, pressuring them to spend time together, or push them to share personal information that they’re not comfortable disclosing.
The narcissist may use a pity play to gain sympathy and manipulate others into giving them what they want. This tactic involves portraying themselves as helpless, misunderstood, or unfairly treated.
If the narcissist wants to avoid criticism or gain something from someone, they might share a story about how difficult their life has been, making the other person feel sorry for them and more likely to comply with their wishes.
Narcissists can be highly charming and charismatic, using their social skills to manipulate others and achieve their goals. This charm is often superficial and can quickly turn to coldness or hostility if the narcissist’s needs are not met.
The narcissist might flatter someone, engage in witty conversation, and make the person feel special, only to lose interest or become critical once they have what they want.
Narcissists often recruit others to do their bidding, whether it’s to spread rumors, pressure someone, or support their point of view. These allies, sometimes called “flying monkeys,” may be unaware that they are being manipulated.
The narcissist might convince a mutual friend to confront someone on their behalf or to take their side in a conflict, further isolating the person and reinforcing the narcissist’s control.
Individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder often use a variety of manipulative tactics to maintain control, protect their fragile self-esteem, and ensure that they remain in a position of power or admiration. These tactics include gaslighting, triangulation, love bombing, devaluation, projection, silent treatment, blame shifting, hoovering, playing the victim, smear campaigns, intimidation, boundary violations, pity plays, charm, and enlisting allies. These behaviors can be highly destructive to those around them and often serve to reinforce the narcissist's distorted self-image and dysfunctional interpersonal patterns.